End Dieting with a Mindset Shift
Get out of Diet Prison
Paradigm Shift
A mindset shift is all about a paradigm shift. A paradigm is an internal map, the way we see ourselves, the way we see our lives, the way we process things that happen to us, the way we do things.
A paradigm shift is when these maps are altered and changed — or maybe even thrown out.
Your Mindset and your WHY
The biggest shift you will have to make — beyond what foods you are eating – is your mindset. Successfully following a new eating style, is an entire paradigm shift, not a diet.
It is seeing yourself not having to follow conventional dieting rules such as
weighing your food
measuring your food
tracking your food
It is seeing yourself as having your own wisdom to make these choices.
It is not seeing a new diet, it is seeing a new diet as unnecessary as long as you choose to eat healthy foods in healthy portions.
It is choosing to look at your food choices as opportunities not restrictions.
It is seeing yourself as an intelligent person who can understand the science behind why you are choosing what to eat.
It is seeing yourself as worthy to live this new lifestyle.
It is seeing this as an opportunity to nurture yourself instead of neglecting your needs.
You have to have a strong enough WHY to see you through this.
Perhaps, long term, you will be doing this for your health. You will lose weight, of course, but this is a whole new way of eating for you, and you must be able to sustain it. That is where your WHY comes in.
It's so important to find your WHY because it will strengthen your commitment to work your way through this mindset shift. You have to be strong even though following a sustainable eating plan (sustainable = foods you like, compatible with family eating, enough variety, etc.) does not have to be difficult. It will actually become easier and easier, I promise. You have to stay strong because health is a lifetime commitment.
There is no WHY that is too vain or too little. Do you want to fit into a certain dress by New Year's Eve? Good enough — for now. Constantly re-evaluate your WHYS because what works on December 1st might not be important to you January 1st.
I had to find my WHY to make this shift
My first WHY: I did not want to get diabetes
My line in the sand, and my WHY, was that I did not want to get diabetes. Several years ago my doctor at the time said, "There is no such thing as pre-diabetes. You have it or you don't." Apparently, by that definition and by those standards, I had it, although I had gone through years fooling myself into thinking I had not gotten there yet — that I could fix it in yet another three months between blood tests.
A friend recommended that I read Why we get fat and what to do about it by Gary Taubes, and for the very first time in my life I understood that the calories-in-calories-out theory of weight loss is seriously flawed.
For the first time I understood the connection between food and insulin, fat storage and weight loss. No wonder I never lost weight on Weight Watchers with all those 100-calorie packs of cookies and crackers! No wonder I never lost weight while strictly following Paleo with its unlimited fruits and root vegetables!
No wonder I never lost weight with hypnosis, mindful eating programs and intuitive eating sessions (all touting that everything would be perfectly under control if I just learned moderation)!
No wonder I was an A+ dieter all my life, but a D- weight loser. I almost cried when I realized it was the food and the insulin – not MY shortcomings. The diets failed ME — I did not fail the diets.
I finally realized I needed to get healthy first and the weight loss would come.
My WHY was always to get healthy by losing weight. It never occurred to me that I needed to get healthy first and then the weight loss would come naturally!
In my case, especially, the health would come by lowering insulin levels and healing my insulin resistance. I had never heard the expression "insulin resistance" but now it meant everything to me.
Prior to reading Why we get fat and what to do about it, I did not know that it is ALL about the insulin and that healing the insulin resistance would be the answer to losing weight.
Of course there was some vanity mixed in with why I wanted to lose weight — but I was a professional belly dancer — so I was comfortable in my own skin and thought I was attractive and wore clothes well, and didn’t give a second thought — even at 100 pounds overweight — about walking past people in a bathing suit!
Once I learned about insulin resistance I checked fasting insulin numbers going back more than 10 years. At one point my fasting insulin was 46.5 (normal is 5 or less) and I had one triglyceride reading of over 400 (normal is under 100).
My doctor at that time advised eating less pastry. He sort of said it in a joking tone so I can’t blame myself that I never took any of these numbers seriously.
My fasting blood glucose was always around 110, and that is the only number that old-fashioned conventional doctors are trained to look at when they pronounce that you do or do not have diabetes. I was ignorant myself of the meaning of any other numbers.
Bringing my numbers into a healthy range was my why at the time I started Keto. I accomplished this and moved on to another why.
My second WHY
As I internally began to get healthier, feel better, and yes — look better — I wanted to learn more about different ways of eating.
I started to devour (ah yes … a food term…) resources — both with books and podcasts. I began to learn more and want to learn more.
Do I track or not track? Do I count total carbs or net carbs? Do I eat three meals a day or do I start intermittent fasting, etc.? I started a website and YouTube channel called "Keto My Way" that were about my early journey (both now defunct, but they were my start!).
My third WHY: I wanted to learn to incorporate mindset work and new eating styles into my own lifestyle
As I found answers for myself, my why became learning how I could incorporate healthy eating into my lifestyle and make it work with my family. For instance, we spent every Sunday with the kids and that meant brunch, afternoon snacks during football season, Sunday dinner and helping pack the grandchildrens' lunches for the next day.
Also, my husband and I used to own a restaurant in New York so we really were all about the food — we did all the cooking for family events — whether at our home or my daughter’s home.
I worked very hard during this time to keep my WHYS in front of me. I slipped (and fell) many many times, but learned about the “Good-Better-Best Method” of leaving the Land of Perfection and entering the Land of Good Enough. Finally the “80-20 rule” started to make sense to me. It was okay if I indulged in Sunday dinner - it’s only one meal out of 21. The trick was to stay on track, as best I could, with the other 20.
My fourth WHY: Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk
I thought, if I am going to do this then my new why needs to be to really walk the walk and talk the talk.
I enrolled in a nutritional coaching program, completed it, and began coaching friends and family. I started my website, wrote a book then another. Created courses and began a successful podcast.
I needed to feel a true sense of authenticity to give advice in all these arenas, and so that authenticity was a very strong WHY for me.
Even through a series of family crises, my WHY kept me on track
During these months I had several crises that showed me that I had the strength to stick to my new why: Wanting to be healthy and being authentic so that I could feel honest about giving advice and presenting myself to the public.
First Crisis
In the Fall of 2017, my new grandson had a bowel obstruction and was hospitalized. I took care of my three-year old granddaughter juggling taking care of her and also working.
It was a short period of time, but I could have crumbled under the stress — between going back and forth from the hospital, staying overnight with her and then dropping her off at daycare, then going to work, there were lots of meals out, or in the hospital. The distance was a triangle with one-hour distance between my daughter’s house-work-my house.
But I did it! This pales in comparison to the next set of crises.
Second Crisis
In December I got a call from California that my sister had 12 hours to 3 days to live and I had better get out there (from Boston). This call came at 11 AM on a Sunday and I was on a 4 PM flight that day, packed and ready for about three days.
She came through the crisis but the outlook was not good. I stayed in California about two weeks, came home and then turned around and went back Christmas day and stayed until sometime in January.
During my first visit when she was in the hospital, I went back and forth from the hospital to her condo (my two brothers also came out at that time). All meals either at the hospital or at restaurants.
For the second visit, she was in hospice near her condo and I used that time to empty her condo to put it on the market — we sadly realized that she would never be returning.
It was a heartbreaking and stressful time. I went home on a Thursday and she died the following Monday. That Friday we had the funeral.
Third Crisis
Three weeks later was my mother’s funeral.
Fourth Crisis
I was finally getting my footing back when one morning (the first Friday in March) I hear my husband yell, "Get me to the hospital," and that was it — he was unconscious.
We got him to the hospital just in time as he had a ruptured "Triple A" (abdominal aortic aneurism).
Everything was aligned and they got him into surgery and somehow he survived a 7 cm shearing off of his abdominal artery. In two days he had 9 pints of his blood replaced (and our bodies only have 11½!) but he survived.
The doctor said there is no protocol for survival with this situation, but he survived. So as I sat there watching my husband on a ventilator, I realized that life is precious. If I have it at my fingertips to live a healthy life then just do it.
Crises turned into Strength
When I was in California, when both my sister and my mother died, and especially when I had my husband’s crisis, I would post on a Facebook page I belong to. I would receive comments and messages that, because someone saw my strength and determination and resilience and not turn to food to comfort myself, it gave them the determination and courage to not give in to their old familiar habits.
Where there was adversity somehow I found strength — I knew that no amount of candy or cake or overeating of any kind would bring back my mother or sister or help my husband. I knew that to come through to the other side I needed to be strong and healthy and not lose myself in old eating habits and comfort food.
You need a fluid WHY
In order to find success with any new eating plan, you must find your WHY and you need to re-examine your why periodically — as it changes.
When you search for your why I suggest it not be a short-term goal (like losing 20 pounds for a wedding). A true, healthy way of eating should be sustainable — it should not be for a short-term weight loss goal.
As you eat healthfully, you will experience internal healing. The more internal healing you have to do, the slower may be the weight loss. Think of it as your body needing to pay attention to one thing at a time! As you can see, if my only why was "Lose 20 pounds to fit into a dress," that moment would have come and gone. It might be a good enough why to sustain you enough to lose that 20 pounds, but you will gain it back as soon as you go back to your old habits and ways.
It might take a while longer to wrap your mind around this paradigm shift (healthy eating, slower weight loss, etc.) and to remind yourself that you are worth it. You are worth the hard work and the health that it brings. Take the time to find a way of eating to bring your body and your mind into alignment with health.
What if you were transported to a different land where you could end dieting?
Your land might look like this:
Never being hungry between meals.
Never wanting or needing snacks.
No heartburn or indigestion.
Lower blood sugar and lower blood pressure.
OH WAIT! There is such a land. If you start to cut down on simple carbohydrates, no matter what eating plan you choose, you will find this sweet spot.
Anticipate fewer children of inflammation: IBS, arthritis or heart disease.
Imagine no out-of-control cravings and being satisfied with your meals.
Envision never looking at the clock to see when the next food or snack is.
Dream about being allowed things you have denied yourself: cream, butter, marbled steaks with the fat still on them, bacon, chicken with the skin on — no more dried out chicken breasts, cheese — full delicious cheese — not "processed cheese food"...
The land of Oz was uncomfortable for Dorothy, yet it was a land of blossoming growth. Dorothy left her known life behind and ventured into a new land — sometimes scary, sometimes funny, sometimes poignant — but always moving forward into new adventures and new transformations.
It is not going on another diet
It is seeing diets as unnecessary.
End dieting by finding the mindset shift it takes.
You do this by making a new eating style into a new lifestyle.
It is looking inward to your own strengths and abilities, and looking inward to see when you are hungry or full or happy with a food you are eating.
It is not looking to a diet to tell you how much to eat, when to eat, what to eat or how to eat.
It is not commercials prompting you to buy more cereals and snacks or candy and treats.
It is you quieting yourself and asking, "How does this food really make me feel? Is a bite of this food a step toward my goal of being healthy or is it a step away from health?"
Quiet your mind, answer these questions, and to get to the root of what is really driving you to eat what you eat and how much you eat and when you eat.
The shift also alters the way you feel about yourself and the things that you do.
I will speak for myself
I will speak for myself:
Losing weight and getting healthy were side benefits.
However, maybe because I got healthy and lost weight I feel better about myself.
I have greater confidence — no, not just in how I look in a new dress, but confidence as in being confident.
I am not afraid to try new things or speak up for myself.
I have new confidence in my abilities and choices I make.
Once you let go of the albatross around your neck, you will uncover strength and courage. For myself, it uncovered — or built — determination and perseverance. I know I can do it. I know I can be strong. I know my voice is valid and authentic.
Calling on all your inner reserves to find a healthy eating style for yourself and make this paradigm shift will help you uncover the ability to tap into everything else. I am not alone in this and neither are you. Trust me.
How do you begin to make this paradigm shift?
The very first thing you need to do is to decide you are worth making changes in how you eat.
Decide on WHY you want to do this and the goals you need to reach to accomplish your WHY.
Once you know why you want to go ahead with this new way of eating, pick your favorite foods (within whatever food plan you are following) to make this a sustainable way of eating.
Don't look at restrictions. Look at everything you can have.
Make this a lifestyle of plenty and not a lifestyle of deprivation.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, End Dieting with a Mindset Shift, and I hope it will help you navigate your journey. Don't forget to subscribe to the mailing list (below) so that you don't miss the next blog!